What if u're playing ur sax with a cool vibe, the pitch it is very cool and nice, u're enjoying every single note, u're enjoying even the mistakes ( that gives u awareness) doesn't matter if u have to start all from the beginning; ur mood is high and the life is smiling at u,
and suddenly ur dad look at u as u're the most miserable person in the world and, shaking his head, says : - if it can be my decision, u should quit immediately, ...u always have such stupid-nonsense ideas , i cannot understand..."
Probably ur first reaction would be to shut him up and give him shit meanwhile u explain how really things are, that u're teacher is very happy with u, almost impressed, and is not the only one. But immediately u realize how useless would be. If he came up with such horrible thoughs it means he really couldn't grasp the meaning. Once again.
So why would u loose time and energy trying to talk with a dead end?
U know that if u reply u will begin an unnecessary war; u know that he consider himself the god who detain the holy truth.
U shut up and continue to play ur sax as nobody spoken before.
Probably, inside u're crying, for the sadness, for the frustration and for the disbelief.
Probably, inside u're crying also because of the deep seated anger that u feel everytime he come up with that kind of sentence, out of the nothing, trying to kill anything good u're doing.
Probably, inside u're crying because, actually, u don't expect ur dad to agree with u're big and small choice, u just expect the minimum required respect for the big and small choice of a person, in the first place.
Perhaps u want to collect ur things and move somewhere else, because it is always helpful to take a bit of a distance in moment like that. For urself and for the other.
U try to weight things, u ponder the situation, u don't want to run away from problems, u want only understand, cope with it and find the best solution (that does not necessarily means that dialogue is a good move, in fact u unsuccessfully tried already in the past, in many different polite and unpolite way, so
u know. ) .
Perhaps u keep going on ur road. Few hours passed and u are again almost in peace with the world when he come up with another sentence with an irritating voice tone: ...u aren't a successful person, u're a failure, look at u, what do u have?.....
Probably u're first reaction would be to kick his head onto a wall so maybe can work better ( with some electrical stuff is helpful ) then u would shout at him his total blindness and would immediately begin a war ( because sometimes the belly is stronger than common sense) , but almost immediately u see the poor little man who couldn't do what he wanted to do in his own life,u look at him and recognize his purpose, the same over and over again, forever.
U know perfectly what he is doing : He's trying to get the success he didn't have in life
through u.
If u are successful then
He will mathematically be a successful man.
U're aware of this, so u're reply is brief and concise and sort a due effect.
U're also aware that his idea of success in life ( like many people in the whole world ) is measured in money, properties, husband with money-villa-kids, a heated-lifetime-horrible-but-safe-job, ...wouldn't be bad to have a ferrari and a yatcht parked somewhere.
For him life is suffering, for u is the celebration of a nature's miracle.
U also aware of what is important in life for u, so there is no need to get upset then: once again u realize that both eyes, ur and his, are looking and are seeing things differently.
U don't agree with him but u accept his point of view as a possibility.
He doesn't agree with u and he doesn't accept ur point of view, regardless.
And now is trying to take a revenge, on any occasion, so to let u know u're a failure.
Most probably u love him.
Because so, u will try to live ur life a bit far away from him so to preserve this good feeling and also because u don't want to hurt more his fragile personality and soul.
However, what a sadness.
More Than You Know.
More Than You Know.
